It’s time for a wardrobe revamp.
And that doesn’t just mean getting items that will keep your style fresh, that means getting rid of items that make your style crusty and tired.
Not sure what those items are, guys? We’re happy to help.
This is a list of items that no man should wear anymore. They have no place in your closet and in fact shouldn’t even be brought out for Halloween.
Square toed shoes
We’re not sure when these were in style, but they now seem to occupy this vortex where fashion goes into a zombified state and continues to live on after death. Help us make it stop.
If you don’t have important things to put in your pockets — all your pockets — do not wear these. The legs are usually unfashionably wide. Fashion designer have recently started to design slim fit cargos but if you don’t have a slim fit pair, they gotta go. This goes for shorts and pants!
Oversized belt buckles
See Jamie’s belt? Do not wear Jamie’s belt.
If you are a dad that’s really still not an excuse. You can do better.
Board short swim trunks
No one should wear trunks this long anymore guys. And you should absolutely not have pockets that weigh your shorts down and turn them into super low riders.
Get a decent pair of swim trunks that fit around the waist and hit just above the knee.
Trucker hats and beaded necklaces
Since these have been put together so artfully in this picture, we’ll address them both at once. Trucker hats were popular for a dark, thankfully brief period in American culture. We can all forget that now and move on if we all do it together.
As for beaded necklaces, they’re not for grown-ups… period.
It is highly, highly unlikely that you can pull off a fedora. If you really think you can wear one, ask multiple people (some who love you, some who don’t) if you’re right.
You’re going to need multiple okays.
No you cannot wear your cutoff shirt to the gym. It still looks ridiculous.
Beanie hats are for adorable children and inclement weather. They are not a hat that an adult male should wear indoors.
If you absolutely must keep your hemp jewelry consider it a costume piece only to be worn when you take your little brother to his first Dark Star Orchestra concert.
First off, whatever it says, it’s probably not that funny.
And, unless you belong to a specific subset of hipsters (fine if that’s what you’re going for), you look like a child.
But band tees are cool, always have been, always will be!
You are not Robocop.