Chris Bundas –
Who doesn’t love Amy Schumer’s rude yet charmful humour?
Instead of me writing a list of ’10 Things Not To Say To A Woman After Sex’, I thought it be best to leave the funny stuff to a real comic this morning and let Amy do the talking.
Here’s Amy Schumer’s ’10 Things Not to Say to a Girl After Sex’
By Amy Schumer –
As someone who owns underwear that reads “Not My 1st Rodeo,” I don’t take myself too seriously in the bedroom. There are many mistakes you can make before sex, but the biggest ones usually come after. Here are the ten worst things you can say to a lady during postcoital bliss. (That means “after banging,” if you went to a state school.)
1. Now we both have it!
2. Clean up, aisle you!
3. Did I come?
4. Could you tell it was my first time? [Pull fake blood from under the sheets.]
5. If you think that was fun, wait till we do anal in an hour!
6. I don’t want to rush you out, but I called you a cab before we started, and it’s here.
7. You use more teeth than your sister.
8. Can I borrow $30? It’s for you.
9. Will you wash my sheets? I have a Klan meeting tomorrow.
10. My kids are gonna love you!