Hey there. I know. The blog’s been all showbiz and razzmatazz, and not a whole lot of personal anecdote, but life has been pretty quiet. Just a lot of toing and froing from the cottage. One kid at camp for six whole weeks, the other all grown up and busy being a hot child in the city, running wild and looking pretty. So it’s just been me and John up north, playing golf and drinking gin and tonics like a couple of retirees. Actually, that’s not accurate. We’ve had a couple of full house party weekends, so we have a ways to go before we hit On Golden Pond status. The loons, Norman, the loons ….
Not so much the loon as the kestrel. I think it’s a kestrel. It’s a small hawk that has taken up residence near the cottage, and it shrieks all the live long day. Long, mournful cries to drive you mad. It’s clearly a territorial thing, as we are impinging on its nesting grounds, and it clearly wants us out. It starts as soon as the sun comes up and doesn’t stop until dusk. The other night, the damn bird’s screams woke us up at 3 AM. “Maybe it’s an owl”, said John, “they hunt at night”. Said I: “OR … Kestrel Maneuvers in the Dark!”
But that’s nothing. Yesterday, I drove home from the cottage with the dogs. John had left earlier to make it to work, and I hung around to clean up, because how much fun is that? In any case, I was driving along debating whether to stop for gas at the local pump or stick it out to the 400 when all of a sudden a saw a sort of … scurrying … in my peripheral vision. And then, to my absolute horror, a dock spider crawled out from behind my sun visor.
It just stuck there, upside down, on the visor, hovering above my lap. I was beyond repelled. Somehow I managed to keep going long enough to pull into the gas station, which thank GOD was only a couple of kilometers away, but inside I was of course shrieking like a kestrel. As soon as I could, I threw the car in park and jumped out, completely freaked out, the attendant eyeing me like the madwoman I clearly was. ‘KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT DEAD!” He did, but not before taking a picture first. Of the spider. Because that is fine Instagram material, my friends. “Never seen that before”, he said. “Lots of mice, but never spiders”.
Mice? Are you kidding me? Longest ride home ever. Move over, doggies. We’re getting a cat.