I pinched Scholes when I came in today because he wasn’t wearing green. To make matters worse, he thought he was wearing green, but the shirt he’s wearing doesn’t even have a HINT of green, so he’s colour blind as well as being as being a buzzkill. Then he insisted that he wore green yesterday, but as I recall it was more of a celery green, not the true Kelly green of the Emerald Isle. He then made matters even worse by boasting that he had a green pen. A green pen. Did James Joyce write Dubliners with a green pen? Hardly. Anyway, if you don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s , someone who IS wearing green gets to pinch you. Call HR, see if I care.