You know the obvious words to avoid when arguing…”calm down”, ” I’m fine”..ouch, those are dangerous.
If you’re in an argument with your spouse/partner there are six words that might help calm things down without saying “calm down”.
According to new research (University of California, Berkeley) it comes down to whether your partner feels like you “get” her/his point of view. For the study, couples discussed their hot-button issues. As you’d expect, the arguments made people less happy with their relationships if they felt like their partners didn’t understand them. But the people who felt like their partners could see their perspective — even if they didn’t resolve the fight — actually felt more satisfied with their relationships after arguing.
Feeling understood actually activates parts of your brain associated with reward. It can instantly improve your mood, even in the midst of a heated discussion.
Try it: Just say something like, “I see where you’re coming from.” Those six words could instantly defuse your fight.