Have you done it yet? Today’s the day the government takes a snapshot of the country with the 2016 census. There’s a short form and a long form, both of which can be filled out online. You have to do it because it’s the law (that’s their not-so-catchy slogan). If you don’t, the following will take place: in a few days, you will get a reminder in the mail. Then, if you still haven’t filled it out, you’ll get a phone call from someone at Stats Canada. If that doesn’t do it, you will get a knock on your door from one of the thousand or so people hired as enumerators this summer. If, for some godforsaken reason, you still won’t do it, you will face a fine of some $500. And possible jail. Three months, they say. While in jail, your spouse will leave you and you will lose your job. A large, frightening person of indeterminate gender named Lucky will want to be your special friend. You will trade sexual favours for chewing gum. Worst of all, the other prisoners will treat you with utter disdain. So do yourself a favour: fill out your census.